Someday
by jeje avec la mook
Summary: Someday I will free you... Rin's promise to Haru. Sort of... a song fic... BUT IT'S REALLY GOOD! PROMISE! And readable. So do. And R&R! You know you love us really.


Name: Someday

Authoress(es) - Jeje avec la mook

Disclaimer: The lyrics of Someday belong to Disney, not us. We do not own (unfortunately) Fruits Basket either - it belongs to the very wonderful Takaya-sensei.

A/N: We LOVE Fruits Basket, and so our first fic (together) is a tribute to it, and poor Rin who should soooo have been in the anime. This is set around Volume 14. We know what happens afterwards, but don't wish to ruin it for others. There are no spoilers for future volumes. Don't review just to tell us we got something wrong - we know all the inconsistencies, but this is from 14._

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_Someday  
When we are wiser  
When the world's older  
When we have learned  
I pray  
Someday we may yet live  
To live and let live_

I've never seen such an expression of hurt on your face as that day I told you to go away. But it worked. I wanted you to leave me alone, and I said the cruellest thing I could think of. 'I don't need you anymore'. I'm a liar. Can't you see I'm a liar? I've always needed you, even when I took care of you and watched outside Yuki's room. I needed you in the hospital, that first time you touched my heart, and I needed you that day after that, to heal me, and the day after that, to console me, and the day after that as I lived with Kagura and saw her family.

I'm so selfish. I always take what people are offering me, and I have very little to offer back. Aggression. It's not a bad thing. I've learnt that if I'm angry enough everyone will just leave me alone. Scream at people loud enough and they retreat. Well, most people will.

It didn't work with him. It's hard to get angry with him. Because he's 'right'. You get angry with yourself afterwards, but when you're facing him all you feel is what he tells you to feel. He calls you 'disgusting' and you hate yourself.

He calls you 'pathetic' and you are.

_Someday  
Life will be fairer  
Need will be rarer_

_And there won't be pain.  
God speed  
This bright millennium  
On its way  
Let it come  
Someday_

There's a future Haru. Maybe not for me, but for you. I just need to find it for you. And I will. I'll keep on fighting and fighting to find a way to free you. It doesn't matter about me. I'll take whatever blame there is. I'll look strong. That's all people see when they look at me. Strength. Bitterness. Aggression. You were the only one who kissed me, Haru. You were the only one who realised that I wanted someone to put their arms around me again. You were the only one who saw past the façade and said 'I really like you, Rin.' No one's ever said that to me before. How can I repay you? I'll get you your freedom Haru. I promise.

There will be a time when he can't reach you anymore. You'll be beyond his influence, and his words will wash harmlessly over you, because you'll be able to see what we can't. Don't despise me then, Haru, still trapped in the darkness. I know you won't, but still, promise me. Because I'll take it all, for you. The pain. The punishment. I'll take it for you, but I can't take it from you. Haru, don't break the illusion that I'm strong. It took me a long time to build it, and if you shatter it, then it'll be over.

_Someday  
Our fight will be won then  
We'll stand in the sun then  
That bright afternoon  
'Till then  
On days when the sun is gone  
We'll hang on  
Wish upon the moon  
_

Secretly, I pray, no matter what I say that the future I will win for you will have some space for me. It's a naïve dream, and I'm not foolish enough to believe it. But I wish it anyway. Because you smile like you could believe it… if I ever told you what I mean to do.

When I'm with you, Haru, I feel free. But I feel so much guilt too that it suffocates me, because I know I'm such a burden on you and that kind heart you possess. No one has ever understood me before you. Yet I even managed to corrupt that goodness, because I know I don't deserve it. I was told I don't deserve it. And of course, he would know. He reigns supreme. A mad hatter balancing precariously on the edge of his seat, holding a never-ending tea party in which we all dance at his will, and all fall down in the end.

I don't want you to fall down, and that's the one thing you can't seem to understand. I would do anything for you. You can't seem to comprehend the depth of my feelings. It is because I love you that I must push you away. You would try to stop me if you worked out the truth. You would tell me not to, and I would follow you. A horse always obeys their master.

So I shall keep you in the dark a little longer. I shall resist my urge to see you a little stronger. With newfound resolve I shall struggle anew to make some headway in this unforeseen battle, without you. Because I'm sure I can take these first small steps on my own if it's to protect you.

Hang on for me a little longer, and I shall bring you wondrous news one morning… if I am able.

_There are some days dark and bitter  
Seems we haven't got a prayer  
But a prayer for something better  
Is the one thing we all share  
_

I have always known that I was not very strong. I am selfish and corrupting. A dark influence on your life. Black, black as this hair. Sometimes it tears me up to know that all the troubles in your life seem to be because of me. And yet you said you liked me. You want to be with me. How can you be so infuriating? I hate kind people. I hate them. I hate them. I really do. Why can't you be selfish for once, and learn this trait from me? I know, you would not be so pure anymore, but you would be less weighed down by people like me. By Yuki. Why do you love someone who can only bring you pain? You're hopeless. And I love you.

I love you so much that it hurts. It makes me feel like I could die, just to hear you say 'it doesn't matter if I die'. You fool. You cruel, selfish fool. Don't say things like that. Please. It's keeping you safe, knowing that you're alive which makes me strong. When you threaten to disappear it scares me. Like you could take away this whole framework that I've built my life on. I can't live without you. The shock would be too great. So in that single moment, all I felt for you was hate. How dare you try to take away my reason for living?

_Someday  
When we are wiser  
When the whole world is older  
When we have learned  
I pray  
Someday we may yet live  
To live and let live  
Let it come  
Someday  
One day  
Someday  
Soon  
_

Someday, I will free you. But it might take some time, because no one seems to know the answer to these questions of mine. I will free you. I just don't know how to yet. But I will keep searching for the answer. I will find it, and I will grasp it with these hands, and I will stand up on my own… strong in the knowledge that I was able to save you. Just this once. For one single, precious moment, I was the one who supported you. Not the other way around. It was me. Not you. And you will be free.

Even if I do have to sacrifice myself to free you, I am willing. If that is the price, I will pay. If I cannot be with you – a fact I have resigned myself to – then I shall watch you from above, and protect you with what little strength I have from beyond the grave.

If you are happy and free, then I am happy for you. And that happiness, your happiness, will finally set me free.

I think I have achieved enough happiness in this lifetime. Just being there with you made my life so much more significant. So that's enough. You're the one who matters now. Not me. You already healed me as much as you could. As much as a broken soul could be healed. It's my turn to heal you.

This is a truly twisted love.

I sometimes think you're the only thing keeping me here.

You are my purpose for living.

And if I don't make the journey… promise you'll keep going?

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A/N: And now... please review. And join us in the fight against conformity. 


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